“MY TESTIMONY: A SLAVE TO SIN, SET FREE TO SERVE”
Testimony of Lorenzo L. Suttles
I was raised in the church and as a child I had made many lip professions that Jesus Christ is Lord. However, I was never personally confronted with the reality of God until I was 21 years of age.
It was the summer of 2001 and the world as I knew it had come to an abrupt end. The product of a broken home a 9th grade Dropout who at the time had no job, sold drugs, and robbed for money. My life was a suicidal messy haze of drug and alcohol inducement, which had also become my way of coping with what I consider the heartache of a sober reality. I had recently lost my grandmother who was dear to me than my own mother. A young lady whom I had been intimate with for years had recently committed suicide behind our failed relationship, leaving behind her two twin sons. I was engaged in a heated and violent gang rivalry at the time, and I was under Federal investigation for armed bank robbery and firearm violations.
I was listlessly wandering the neighborhood selling drugs when one day I came across my father. My father who saw the shattered look of despair in the bloodshot eyes of his hopeless 21 year old son looked at me with a broken heart and said, “ Son... No one can help you now but Jesus.” my father took me home; and before I exited his truck, we bowed our heads and he prayed for me.
That day Jesus found me at the foot of my bed with a loaded 9mm pistol in my mouth and my finger on the trigger. Before I could pull the trigger tears welled up in my eyes, and my breathing became heavy a surge of heat ran through my body and I begin to sweat profusely. My hand became numb and the gun fell to the floor. My body became limp and heavy and I dropped to my knees. I don't know where the words were coming from; but in a frenzy of sobbing and crying with my face buried in the carpet, I began to cry out, “ God please help me.” I told God all that I had done and asked for forgiveness. Instantly almost in the same breath, my body felt weightless as though a burden has been lifted, and I began to cry out,” Thank you Lord.” Suddenly I felt the power and presence of who I perceive to be Jesus- right there with me in that room, and it was as though a voice inside me said, “ I love you... I forgive you... I'm with you always.”
Although the gang rivalry and Federal investigation were still looming, things immediately began to change for the better in my life. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, got baptized, and became a member of the church my grandmother attended before she passed. I sold my guns and found a steady job. I no longer smoke or drink, and began to read the Bible and pray. I began to witness to my homeboys and co-workers about Christ, and how he saved me. The young lady who I had been in a relationship with accepted Christ and shortly thereafter we married.
People such as my grandmother and father had always talked about the goodness of God in their experiences with Him. However, in these instances, I personally experienced the presence and power of God do for me what I had never been able to do for myself.
In September of 2001, my world was once again turned upside down when I was finally arrested on my job for bank robbery and firearm charges. The 14 months I spent in the county jail was a dark place in my life in which all I had to do was hold onto my faith in Jesus Christ. I would pray and Fast for days on end awaiting trial and like Job, “ I... Esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food” ( Job 23:12).
Then something miraculous happened as God began to use me. Men would see me studying and grab their Bibles and join in. Guys would often ask me to pray for them, and before I knew it we begin to form a large prayer circle every night. God used me to lead men to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and in every dark cell I was housed in-Jesus the light of the world shined. I can remember being so in love with Jesus, that I imitated Him in washing the feet of several of my cell mates (both black and white), as he did in John 13 ( John 13:2-17). Some of the other inmates thought I was going crazy and personally I didn't care. That made them all more interested in this Jesus whom I had been preaching about. That JESUS is the “REAL DEAL”
One Sunday morning as I woke and prepared for service there is a heaviness in my heart, that until this day I can't explain. But there was another presence there also. As the service began the chaplain led the with a worship song, and the spirit of God just consumed me. All I can remember is repeatedly shouting “Thank you Lord” at the top of my lungs, and the chaplain saying, “This is Real.” The power and presence that I experienced on that Sunday morning, was the same power and presence that appeared to and saved me from the verge of suicide at the foot of my bed in a sobbing frenzy.
Unfortunately, I was convicted and sentenced to prison. My sentence was 41-years as practically a first time offender . No mercy, no leniency, nothing. Like Israel, although I had experienced God's presence and Power in my life, when God didn't deliver me from prison I began to doubt. after my conviction I was crushed and although I continued to seek God, I began to question God as well. What was I doing wrong? Did I have the right religion? Did I have the right scripture? Did I really have faith? I prayed earnestly, “ God wherever your truth is that's where I want to be.” Little did I know that when I began to question God, God had a plan to reveal himself to me through my questioning.
For 10 years I sought the truth of God in many different religions. Although in Hebrew Israelite Community I learned of the Ten Commandments, the 613 laws, animal sacrifices in the shedding of blood as an offering for sin. It was in Christ that I learned the truth that all these things are pointing to Christ ( Hebrews 10:1) and “ that the law is spiritual but I am a carnal, sold under sin” and “ what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh.” (Rom. 7:14 and 8:3)
Although in Buddhism, I learned of Nirvana and the psychology of the “enlightened one”. Buddha who meditated under the bo tree and taught the “Four Noble Truths”, and the “Eightfold Path of the Middle Way.” In Christ I learned the truth that accept a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. (John 3:3)
Although in Native American spirituality I learned of Gichi-manu-du ( the Great Spirit) and his pantheistic manifestations through earth, plant, and beast. In Christ I learned the truth that, “ when they knew God, they glorified him not as God... And changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible men, and to birds, and four-footed beast, and creeping things... Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshiped and served the creature more than the Creator,” ( Romans 1:21, 23, 25)
Although in Islam I heard of Allah, Muhammad, the five pillars of Islam, salat (Muslim prayer and prostration), Ramadan ( Muslim fasting), and Hajj ( Muslim pilgrimage). In Christ I learned the truth that God's covenant was established with Isaac ( Genesis 17:15-22, 21:9-12) through whom came the Lord Jesus Christ, the way the truth and the life, and that none can come unto the Father but by Him. ( John 14:6)
Although in the Moorish-Science Temple of American I learned of Drew Ali who taught his followers, “We honor all the true and divine prophets; Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha and Confucius.” In Christ I learned the truth that “many shall come in my name, saying I am Christ; and shall deceive many.” (Matthew 24:5) “But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that brought them,” (2 Peter 2:1)
Although in the Nation of Islam I learned of Elijah Muhammad and his teaching that the black-man is the lost found Tribe of Shabazz stranded and enslaved on the shores of North America. In Christ I learned the truth that “God that made the world and all things therein hath made the one blood of nations of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the tied before appointed , and the bounds of their habitation.” (Acts 17:24 & 26)
After all my seeking- suddenly I could sense a void in my life as though something was missing. There was no peace or joy and my life had become hopeless and miserable all over again. In the midst of these other religions- professing a belief in God- I realized that the “presence and power” of the God who had initially appeared to and saved me was simply not there. I had tasted and seen the goodness of God (Psalm 34:8) in Christ Jesus that I didn’t find anywhere else. He was the Light in my Darkness. John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
God revealed to me that he desired more than to save me from the street-life or release me from jail. He wanted me to know Him intimately and have a personal relationship with Him, which in turn would liberate me from the street-life and the prison of sin I had been incarcerated in all my life. (John 8:32 & 36)
That's when I heard the Spirit of the Lord tell me to remember where I had fallen from, repent, do the first works, and return to my first love. (Revelation 2:4) By the grace of God I re-dedicated my life to Christ; and like the father of the prodigal son, my Heavenly Father through His Son Jesus Christ received me unto Himself with open arms. (Luke 15:11-32)
Revelation 12:11 They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Lorenzo L. Suttles, Federal Correctional Institution